“Four. There are four steps to becoming a drag queen.”
“Well… Don’t be stingy! What are they?”

To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar is one of my favorite movies. Please, don’t hold that against me. It’s one of those awesomely awful things… Plus, John Leguizamo really does make a sassy Latina. And ok, maybe there are a few days of the year that I wish I could be as glam as a drag queen. It takes a lot of confidence to rock it and live it. I love that.

Spoiler warning — I’m sure you’re all concerned I’m giving away the killer ending here — but I’m going to spill what the 4 steps to becoming a drag queen are, because in compiling them all side-by-side, I realized these are actually phenomenal rules to live by.

1. May good thoughts be your sword and shield. You better believe it. I can buffer myself from all the negative I-hate-traffic-and-my-job-and-my-sister’s-boyfriend-drama crap that you just happen across every day. (You can, too. This is not a super human power.) I can wrap myself in happy, thank-you-very-much and enjoy the typically unenjoyable Monday. I like the fact they point out that happy thoughts — Peter-Pan style — can be not just your shield, but your sword, too! Like… take THAT dude that ran into me at Starbucks: I’m gonna genuinely wish you a better day. Cause, good grief, you need it.
2. Ignore adversity. Ok, not like… close you’re eyes and it’ll go away. But why should difficulties get to define my capabilities? Exactly, they shouldn’t. I was a lucky duck, growing up with parents that believed in praise, encouragement, and believed for the life of them that I was going to grow up and change the world. It’s going on 28 years now, and I still believe I can, too.
3. Abide by the rules of love. Don’t get all technical on me, like… Well, the good girlfriend rule would say don’t talk to a guy for at least 3 years after your best friend dated him. Think broadly: love passionately, gently, forgivingly, joyfully, respectfully. If you check yourself, you know what’s fair. Love isn’t always fair to you, but you should be kind in love. You can draw your own lines.
4. Larger than life is *just the right size.* This is the one to rock. I have this group of utterly fabulous friends: unapologetically passionate, (and so, often loud), energy through the roof, social to the tips of our toes. Larger than Life. You don’t have to wear meat as a dress to make an impression when you come into a room. Let ’em know you’re there.

“Now, go forth and scandalize this country!” Go on… Get to it!